Do any of you write posts for a blog and then think: ‘That’s way over the top, surely I’ll unnecessarily offend some poor soul with this one’, and so never actually post it?
I do.
But these days my gentle deference to theological sensibilities has evolved into obedience to the mantra ‘what the hell’. So today I offer a post from my forbidden vaults – something I wrote about 10 months ago for my old blog. If you’re Lutheran, you may want to skip this one.
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In the light of the 31st October (Reformation Day) I've come to a conclusion:
A new 95 theses is needed.
And all the more so as Luther's list is, well … past its sell by date. In fact - I think all will agree - its in desperate need of a modernising revamp.
Besides, I don't think Luther even used a King James Version to support his points which is really careless. Plus he was a bit ugly. I'm not trying to offend any of you Lutherans out there; I'm just stating a fact. His facial features look like they were put on in the dark in a rush, then rearranged by some proto-Picasso medieval plastic surgeon. But then again, I'm not one to harp on about looks so I'll shut up before this one boomerangs on me. Its what's inside that counts.
And what is more, today one is simply spoilt for choice as to the number of potential doors to start hammering a list on. But a new list is needed nevertheless. One that wont just make the selling of indulgencies look stupid.
Henceforth, and in true ecumenical spirit, I will be posting a new 95 theses, one by one over the next few months [present day editorial comment: naturally, having given up on the first post, I didn't bother continuing this series]. I wont be starting off with the most important ones - more like using them to get warmed up for the biggies. And, admittedly, they will not all be entirely serious. But whatever, consider them nailed on your door.
So now is time (drum roll in background), for the very first of the New International 95 theses Version.
1. The use of bad words like 'shit', 'tit', 'bollocks', 'arse', etc. is not clever, not funny nor grown-up. OK, maybe a bit funny. If someone says 'such and such' has gone tits-up then that can be mildly funny, and I'm not really sure what it means so it’s probably a bit clever too. But its not grown-up. So don't do it.
9 comments:
Ouch you sprained my brain!
I usually feel I went over the top after I've posted it. Actually now that I think about it I did write a few choice rants that I never posted. Felt soo good to write them though.
Correct me if I'm wrong, especially if I'm "wrong as arse" (another phrase I'm not sure I understand). Wouldn't Luther strongly disagree with your first thesis? Don't you have some obligation to at least write something the ugly old cur would respect?
Also, what does the British no-no word "bloody" refer to?
It's a contraction of 'By Our Lady', hence, 'Bloody Hell' means 'By Our Lady in Hell'. Rather offensive really :o)
JB, of course you're bloody wrong. His uglines would no doubt have agreed with it. Besides, this is a dynamic translation of Luther's original.
So it's an anti-Catholic slur? Then I guess CT should make this a mandatory phrase (in honor of Luther)?
This is why we need a New Wittenberg profanity-neutral translation. I recommend using the International Radio Operators Alphabet. We retain both the humor and cleverness of your example thusly: Tango Uniform. In a sentence: "The highlight of the evening at the club was when Chris went tango uniform on his his way to the dance floor."
Besides, I don't think Luther even used a King James Version to support his points which is really careless.
:-)
This post and responses have made my day. I can stop blogging for the day now.
Back in the late 90's I had a reputation for posting over the top on the b-greek list and found out that this style of communication in the long run destroys your credibility.
The secret is that my views are far more radical than what I let slip out into cyberspace. The over the top stuff that some people from Texas find offensive is just the tip of the iceberg. Some of the masters of the outrageous like Jim West are actually far more mainstream.
Why the hades are we all getting upset about so called Christian Zionism? These people don't read stuff outside of their group so all the outrage is really a waste of time.
Joel, for crying out Tango Uniform, that's the most Tango Uniform suggestion I've ever heard.
Tango Uniform off before you write something Tango Uniform in teh future.
Thanks for the laugh, btw.
Glad to make your day, Byron!
Clay, nice to hear from you again.
"Why the hades are we all getting upset about so called Christian Zionism? These people don't read stuff outside of their group so all the outrage is really a waste of time."
I hope to show in the second post in this forthcoming series that the errors of CZ do indeed matter.
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