The Father Christmas Competition is open again. Log your results in the comments box.
Addendum: A special 2007 bonus point, suggested by Josh McManaway, is offered this year. Add one extra point (even if you get no visible reaction), if you say to the kids: ‘Santa isn’t real and if he were, he would hate you’. Two bonus points if you flash that one while their mum is standing next to you.
Addendum two: Take a hunk of chicken-on-the-bone with you, and if you convince any dew eyed kids that the half eaten carcass was a present wrapping elf called ‘Fluffy’, add two points (advice: show a picture of cute 'Fluffy' for maximum effect).
UPDATE: Thus far, Chris Tilling has accumulated 15 points. I luckily had a bus full of toddlers to work on today (sadly no tears, but plenty of wet-eyed nods of concession). Yea baby!
UPDATE II: Chris Tilling whips out the ‘Santa isn’t real and if he were, he would hate you’ line ten times while buying presents for his family, this afternoon. The eyecontact with one little girl lasted long enough for a little blubber time, doubling my score! Awesome! This brings me to my all time best of 50 points. *Shouts a Benny Hinn sized AMEN!*
UPDATE III: Nick (the incarnate evil) Norelli has been slaying and ninjaing his way to 75 points! Well done, Nick! Respect for the tears. They are rare, precious moments.
10 comments:
Chris,
How does one score (1) relatives, i.e., nephews, nieces, grandparents?
(2) One's own offspring?
You are an evil evil man Chris Tilling.
Since I am just finding out about this competition, can I include points accumulated unknowingly in the past 2 years?
2 years ago I taught my Sunday School class of young men ages 5-15 that there was no Santa and any of their parents who said otherwise were LIARS! That would have gotten me 18 points plus double score for making two of them cry.
So by my estimate if you award me retroactively for work I've been doing for years I should be at least at 74 points.
Plus, I kicked my infant nephew in the back and told him there was no Santa just today -- he cried for quite some time.
:^P
JB, no extra points for relatives, I'm afraid. Though if it is your own offspring, doublke your score, cos that shows real commitment.
No, Frank, Nick is the evil man!
Nick, see the update.
You would make such a great father. Have you ever thought of adopting some orphaned kids just to up your score?
oops. That link isn't showing up well here's the full link.
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video
/ireports/2007/12/20
/ireport.santa.scary.cnn
Of course he's real you lying cretans. It's his birthday on Tuesday. Who else eats all the gingernuts and drinks all the beer on Christmas Eve and who else's reindeer drink all the milk left outside for them? May all your children disown you.
You blondes. Killjoys, wet blankets. Maybe another reason I changed my born blonde to a henna'd red.
Ack! I'm losing points.
For some inextricable reason my oldest has decided to start believing in Santa despite all our efforts and good upbringing??? I've tried levelling with her, jibeing her and even scowling in her direction, all to no avail. She decided, for some reason beyond me, that Santa is real???
I think it has to do with this $300 toy (Fur Real Pony??) she wants but I've explained is too extravogant to expect.
How much in the hole am I now? Oh, and she makes me cry with all this santa believing crap, so I guess that's worse.
Frank, that is awful! You loose!
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